This Is The End Of Me: Season 3
by Oosh04
Summary: Three months after the battle at mount weather and Clarke's had enough. She's heading back to the mountain for answers whether the others help her or not. But this trail might take her further than she anticipates and is Clarke ready for what awaits at the end of the journey?
1. Intro

**I never was going to keep you waiting for long for this.**

 **If you've only just found this I really recommend you read Season 1 and 2 before starting this...**

 **So this is set 3 months after the finale in Season 2 and as I said in that one this whole season is already planned out so just sit back and enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Clarke glared at the mountain standing in the distance looming over the lake she was sitting in front of. The sun would soon disappear behind it but she didn't care. Sitting in the shade of an old tree Clarke could see across the clearing and the expanse of lake she had come across just a few days after leaving the mountain.

There had to be something she was missing.

She narrowed her eyes at the mountain as if her stare alone to could force it to reveal its secrets. Three months. Three months to do the day and they were still no closer to finding Lexa. The nights had drawn out longer as the temperature increased and Clarke realised that the New Year must have passed but with their focus set on the mountain it had passed without celebration. At one point Monty and Raven had suggested celebrating only to be shot down by glares from Jasper, Bellamy and Octavia as Clarke walked away. Jasper wasn't speaking to her. He blamed her for Maya's death and she had long since fallen into her own pit of despair over those she killed in mount weather. After returning from the mountain she had left immediately without saying goodbye to anyone though she was only four days into her excursion before she realised how unprepared she was and returned dejectedly to camp Jaha. Though her search for Lexa never ended the more time passed the more despair settled in and when Indra announced the search for the new commander she had broken down. Though, despite her own disbelief in it, she took comfort from the fact that their search so far had not yielded any results. Lexa was still alive and that was all it took to fuel what was left of her fire.

Clarke closed her eyes and dragged in a long breath. Without Lexa she felt a sense of loneliness and loss that she hadn't expected though she wasn't the only one. Anya hadn't left Camp Jaha since their return, Octavia and Lincoln spent most their days looking slightly out of place amongst the Arkers and Clarke couldn't help but feel that Lexa would hate what they were doing in her absence. Anya claimed that until they found the next commander she wouldn't be needed in peace times but Clarke took an interest in how much time the grounder spent locked away with Raven. One month after they left the mountain Anya had finally agreed to train Clarke if for nothing more than to have something to do and give Clarke a purpose. The council had taken back control and there was a definite sense of misplacement amongst what was left of the 100 despite Kane trying to find them all a place in camp. Clarke didn't miss the way Monty flinched over everything, nor the way Jasper's eyes were hardened all the time, Miller spent most of his days with a dazed expression and Monroe as well walked around with a hardened expression. Clarke herself spent most of her days either in the medical centre or here at the lake avoiding the others depending on how she felt that day.

Clarke sighed as the last glimpse of the sun finally disappeared behind the mountain and she closes her eyes for a moment enjoying the cool air slipping over her as the evening drew in. She was still struggling to get used to the sounds, smells and touches of the Earth. Something other than the never ending darkness of space was a welcomed sight.

The snap of a twig caught her attention but she didn't bother turning around knowing that the war was over and there was no longer a threat for her to fear. Still she probably should have been more on edge when it came to the possibility of wild animals attacking.

"So this is where you go"

She opened her eyes and looked up to see Octavia standing over her. The youngest Blake was smiling at her but it wasn't the genuine one that Clarke missed so much it was the sympathetic, understanding one that people had become accustomed to wearing around her. It made her sick.

"Does this mean I have to find a new hiding place?"

Octavia collapsed on the ground next to Clarke and lightly tapped the blonde's shoulder with her own, "Don't be like that. We're just worried about you"

"Shame you weren't worried enough about Lexa" She said bitterly.

Octavia shot her an affronted look, "Hey that's not fair. We're worried about her but without a lead to go on we can't just abandon everyone to go on a wild goose chase for someone that we have no idea where to even start looking. Lexa wouldn't want that and you know it"

Clarke didn't reply but she didn't need to. Of course she knew what Lexa wanted of them… The commander had been prepared for death long before that battle but Clarke couldn't get the image of Lexa falling out of her mind and all the while she knew the grounder was still alive it was irrelevant to her what Lexa would have wanted. She was sat around camp Jaha doing nothing all day because after the war and Lexa's absence there seemed to be no real use for her. It didn't really seem a problem to Clarke if she went off for days at a time looking for the commander, they wouldn't notice her absence, but still Abby insisted that she was needed. Her mother was the worst of all. Abby had never tried to hide her dislike for the grounders and their commander so it didn't exactly come as a surprise to Clarke when she seemed unfazed by Lexa's disappearance but she thought Abby might have at least showed some compassion for Clarke's sake. No such luck. Abby had been the first to insist that Clarke wasn't going anywhere to look for Lexa.

"Is there another war?"

"What?" Octavia looked taken aback by the question.

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Is there another war? Are we being invaded? Has there been a murder?"

Octavia narrowed her eyes and said slowly, "No…" Not quite understanding where Clarke was going with this.

"Then you don't need me"

She let out a long sigh shaking her head at Clarke, "People need you whether you like it or not. Death isn't the only thing you're good for"

Octavia winced as she said it. Clarke raised an eyebrow and let out a bitter laugh, "Death. Death is all I'm good for"

"I didn't mean it like that…"

"But you said it" She pulled herself up from under the tree. Octavia wasn't going away anytime soon and now her peace was ruined there was no point her staying there, "And that's what everyone thinks. All I do is get people killed, like the grounders, like the people in mount weather, like Finn, like Lexa"

She spat out the last name and Octavia's eyes widened. The blonde turned on her heel and began the walk back to camp Jaha with the Blake hurrying after her.

"Nobody blames you for any of those things"

"Maybe they should" She muttered.

Octavia shook her head, "They may not like it but people do understand your decision in mount weather… We're past Finn and the grounders, both of which weren't your fault, but as for Lexa she's not even dead"

Clarke threw her head back and laughed desperately, "But everyone's acting like she is!"

"Okay" She nodded, "And maybe that's wrong but-"

" _Maybe_ that's wrong?" Clarke turned to Octavia with a hard stare, "Maybe that's wrong? There's no maybe about it. It _is_ wrong! Instead of looking for the next commander they should be looking for the one that's still out there and alive. You're one of them now Octavia, you're part grounder, and your commander is out there alive but you're not doing anything to help. You're here playing happy families with Lincoln"

It was a low blow and she knew it. Clarke knew she wasn't being fair to Octavia, to any of them, but she didn't care anymore. She was angry. Angry at Cage for taking her, at Indra for not trying to find her, at Abby for not doing anything, at Lexa for making Clarke leave her and angry at herself for not going back. Octavia was just there ready and waiting to take all of Clarke's anger and abuse that had slowly been building up for weeks as she sat around doing nothing; permitted to do nothing.

"That's not fair" Octavia spluttered, "That's not fair and you know it. I helped you sneak out of camp Jaha all those weeks ago… Who covered for you went you went missing? Who took Abby's anger for letting you leave? And who supported you even when you repeatedly put them down? Me! I want to find Lexa more than anything but there isn't anything we haven't already looked at Clarke. We don't have a lead and there is nowhere on earth that grounder or skaikru can think of that Cage would have taken her"

Clarke bit her tongue to stop her lashing out at Octavia again. The girl didn't deserve what Clarke was giving her but still the anger remained there and she wanted to find Cage if for nothing more than to put a bullet between his eyes. She rubbed her temple.

"I'm sorry O… I'm just so desperate"

"I know Clarke and I'm sorry that this is the way things are. You know if we had any idea where Lexa was that I would be the first person following you out of that gate"

Clarke nodded. She did know that and she greatly appreciated it even if there was such little hope surrounding the commander's disappearance.

The two came to a stop just outside the gate of camp Jaha. The light had gone now and they were lit only by the glow of the few fires littered around the camp. Clarke looked to Octavia desperately.

"I want to go back to the mountain"

"Clarke…" Octavia began to protest but she raised her hand to cut her off.

"Please Octavia. I wasn't there when you all went through it and I just have to do this is if for nothing more than for my own peace of mind and sanity. There might be something that you overlooked or there might be nothing but either way I have to know"

Octavia looked at her awkwardly and Clarke thought she would say no until the girl let out a long gasp of breath with a reluctant nod.

"Okay but after this it's done. Agreed?"

Clarke didn't think she would ever really give up looking for Lexa and she suspected that Octavia knew that however she agreed none the less. Octavia just shook her head in disbelief.

"What's done?" Another voice cut in.

Clarke turned around to see Raven, Anya, Lincoln, Bellamy and Monty walking towards them. Raven was watching them with a raised eyebrow.

"Clarke wants to go to the mountain"

Bellamy's eyes widened, "But we already searched there"

"You did" She nodded, "I didn't"

"You think they missed something" Anya was watching her with an odd expression and Clarke wondered if the grounder had the same idea.

"I do. Now I want to go back"

Bellamy shook his head, "You can't be serious"

Raven stared at him and shrugged, "Why not?"

He looked around at them all in disbelief, "You can't be serious? This is the mountain we're talking about!"

"There isn't a danger there anymore" Raven pointed out, "What harm could it do?"

Bellamy looked to Lincoln, "You can't be agreeing with this?"

"I don't see any problem with it"

"Neither do I" Anya added.

Octavia was watching her brother with narrowed eyes, "Why have you got a problem with it Bell?"

"I don't think we're properly thinking this through! This is the mountain we're talking about here. Clarke shouldn't have to go back there-"

"Don't patronise me" She snapped at him, "I'm going to break just by stepping foot in the place. If there's something that was missed then I want to know"

"You mum's never going to agree to it"

"Well no one is going to tell her until I'm gone" She eyed him carefully.

Bellamy looked as though he would protest but Raven gave him a stern look, "We won't say anything"

"I'm going" Octavia ignored Bellamy's noise of protest and looked to Lincoln, "I assume you want to help as well?"

"Of course"

"As do I"

Clarke looked up and gave Anya a wary smile. She had suspected the grounder would want to come but hearing her say it reassured Clarke that she wasn't the only one desperate to find Lexa. Raven looked slightly reluctant but agreed that she wouldn't be able to go with them and so will stay behind with Bellamy.

The group agreed to pull together a bag each of supplies and meet at the back of the fence (the electricity having long since been turned off since the battle of mount weather) to sneak out before anyone including the council noticed. Clarke stuffed her back with food mostly along with extra ammo for her gun which she strapped to her waist and sheathed the sword Anya had given her a few weeks ago. She had abandoned her armour in favour of a grounder's jacket and shirt long ago. Clarke pulled the jacket around her, lifted the hood over her face and crept out of the Ark to meet the others.

 **Hmmmm What will she find in mount weather I wonder?**


	2. Searching

**Okay so this chapter should answer a few questions and will hopefully give you a hint of where we're going with this but obviously you're not going to find Lexa on the second chapter. That being said we do find her soon either in the next chapter or the one after depending on how long the next one is when I've written everything I want to :)**

 **I wrote this to celebrate the clexa fandoms best news all year - LEXA'S BACK FOR SEASON 3**

 **I so screamed when I found out. So happy. so, so, so, so HAPPY. Anyway - Enjoy!**

 **Dislcaimer: I own nothing**

Clarke threw down the second file with a long sigh. They'd arrived at the mountain just as the sun broke through but it was now on its way to setting again and they still hadn't found anything. The control room was full of files and folders about the mountain, their enemies and plans but still she couldn't find anything that might tell her where Lexa was. Lexa's own file had been thick and taken several hours to go through thoroughly but there had been no hints there. Still, she was sure they were missing something.

"Clarke" Octavia spoke up from her place sorting through the materials found in the mountain, "Maybe there isn't anything…"

Clarke shook her head and snapped, "No. There has to be something"

Anya stood from her place at the desk and walked over to Clarke. She was staring down at the sheet in front of her; lists of the food in mount weather.

"How did they get all this food?"

Clarke shrugged not really caring about their food supplies, "I don't know… Grew it? Hunt for it?"

Anya lifted the page with meat on it, "How would they hunt for it? They could not go outside without those suites on and they would not be able to stalk prey with those on"

The blonde frowned and glanced at the meat list. Anya was right. The list included plenty of meat for those in mount weather but the mountain men themselves wouldn't have the capability to hunt and they hadn't found any sources of meat within the mountain.

"How did they get all that meat?" She mumbled.

Octavia and Lincoln walked over and the four of them poured over the different foods but try as they might they couldn't find any information on where the meat had come from. Octavia just shrugged and said, "Maybe they did hunt for it. Maybe we aren't giving them enough credit"

Clarke wasn't convinced. There were too many 'maybe's in that sentence for it to be a coincidence. She was skimming over the third sheet again and about to throw it to one side when her eye caught something in the upper right hand corner. It looked like any other part of the page which was why she hadn't taken an interest before but now she looked closer Clarke noticed that it had been drawn on separately. There in black and white sat a strange eye…. Or at least it looked like an eye but she couldn't be certain with the lines circling around it.

"What's this?" She handed it to Anya who looked confused for a moment before her eyes narrowed and jaw locked in place.

Clarke's heart leapt, "What? What is it?"

"Azgeda"

Lincoln jumped, "Ice nation?"

Octavia and Clarke shared a look as Anya lowered the page down, "Why is the ice nation insignia on mount weather's meat list?"

"They've been feeding mount weather" Clarke realised.

Anya narrowed her eyes and gazed between the three of them, "What interest could the ice nation possibly have in keeping the mountain men alive? They were fighting the same war as us"

Clarke shrugged, "You know the ice nation better than we do"

"The ice nation has always been at war with the Trikru before the commander joined the clans…"

"That doesn't mean the hostility isn't there still"

"We don't know anything" Octavia pointed out, "The insignia doesn't prove that they were helping the mountain"

Lincoln inclined his head thoughtfully, "And yet the mountain must have had help from the outside to survive for as long as they have"

"So what we're saying is that we're going to assume that the ice nation betrayed the alliance and formed one with the mountain behind the commander's back?"

Anya shook her head, "We cannot assume anything. To do so would risk an already fragile alliance and I won't let the commander's work fall apart in an attempt to find her"

Clarke glared down at the eye with a furrowed brow. This was the closest she had come to any clue as to where Lexa could be in three months. At the moment she cared less about the alliance of the twelve clans and more about finding the commander.

She took a deep breath, "The mountain men took Lexa, Cage took Lexa, and we don't know where they went but this is the closest thing to a clue that we've had in three months. I'm sorry but I want to go to the ice nation"

The other three were watching her with shocked looks. Anya's eyebrow was raised whilst Octavia and Lincoln were staring at her with open mouths.

Octavia shook her head, "Clarke that's not a good idea-"

"I wasn't asking for permission" She snapped, "I'm going, with or without your help, because I said I'd find her and I've waited long enough as it is"

Octavia glanced at Anya who furrowed her brow for a moment, looked down at the eye then gave Clarke a nod of approval, "I will accompany you"

"What!" Octavia whipped her head round to stare at the grounder, "You think this is a good idea?"

"Clarke is right, we have to know one way or another, and the ice nation will have no problem with us looking around if they have nothing to hide"

"And if they do?"

Clarke glanced at Lincoln who was shifting awkward then to Octavia who was watching her with a fearful expression and realised how desperate she must look to them. The blonde glared at Octavia.

"You searched for Lincoln and I supported you. Why can't you do the same?"

"This isn't the same Clarke and you know it" Octavia shook her head, "We need to be careful with how we handle this… Rushing in and accusing the ice nation could just start another war that our people really don't need. Clarke just think about what this could do to the alliance… an alliance Lexa worked hard to put together and keep it that way. Do you really think she wants us to risk that for the sake of saving her?"

She's right. She's right and Clarke hates it. Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat and attempted to steady her breathing with a deep breath. She was either write or wrong about this theory but either way storming into the ice nation wasn't going to help anyone; especially Lexa. Clarke let out a sigh and sat down slowly at the desk under the steady gaze of Anya as she met Octavia's sympathetic look.

"Okay… So maybe storming into the ice nation is a bad idea but what do you suggest I do? I can't just sit around and wait anymore especially not now that I have a lead that could take me to her"

Anya made a noise of approval, "Without the commander it is likely the alliance will fall apart anyway but if we can find her before that happens then we can stop that from happening. We cannot just walk into the ice nation, the queen will not allow it, but we may be able to find another way in"

"You mean sneak in?" Octavia scrunched up her nose, "We're going to sneak into the ice nation, preferably undetected, and find Lexa?"

"You think it will work?" Lincoln was watching Anya, "The ice nation is full of patrols, besides, where do you think we will find Lexa?"

Anya glanced at him, "The ice nation capitol, that is where the queen is and if the mountain men have gone there they will deal with her personally"

Clarke perked up at that, "Where's the capitol?"

"They are just over the other side of these mountains. There's a pass that is only a two day walk from here that will take us to the frozen lake, on the other side of that sits the ice nation"

"Frozen lake?"

"It is not frozen in summer… We will be able to sail across undetected if we keep to the edge of the shadows"

Clarke nodded slowly following what she was saying, "And if we do that how do we get inside the capitol?"

"I visited the capitol a lot on the commander's orders during the first few months of the alliance but I know of an entrance through the side of the ice caps that the capitol sits on"

"An underground entrance" Octavia frowned, "We're sneaking in through an old sewer entrance?"

Anya gave her a confused look and Clarke shook her head, "Something from before the war… Can we really do this?"

"It is possible"

"How are we going to get around the ice nation without being noticed?" Octavia asked.

"That will be harder… We will have to be careful"

XoXoXoX

They left not long after that and headed in the opposite direction of the Ark to head back on themselves and through the mountain side. Anya, being the only one that actually knew their destination, led the way and warned them that once they reached the ice nation it would start to get colder. The rocks were treacherous and hard to navigate through. There was no set path and Clarke was certain that without Anya they would have become lost in this labyrinth. When the rocks finally gave way to trees she couldn't help the sigh of relief and didn't miss the same emotions crossing over Octavia and Lincoln's faces as well. Even Anya seemed slightly less tense. Though, that didn't last long.

The first night of their journey was peaceful. Clarke fell asleep beside the fire that Anya and Lincoln had lit not long before her mind drifting in and out of sleep filled with thoughts of finding Lexa. The next morning Anya woke them before the sun rose so they could get an early start but it became more apparent to Clarke that the grounder was on edge. She knew now why tensions between the ice nation and Trikru were so high. Their borders were practically sitting on top of one another with only the mountains to separate them but now without the threat of the mountain men it looked as though both sides were becoming more adventurous. More than once they were forced to duck away as a hunting party rode through but it became increasingly harder to define whether they were Trikru or Azgeda.

The second day was filled with trees, green and barely any sightings of the blue sky Clarke had become accustomed too. She was grateful the summer rain stayed at bay but the longer they walked for the more she felt the heat leaving her as a thick cold settled over her. It wasn't uncomfortable but it was a change from the heat she had become accustomed to over the last few months. Anya did point out that this was summer months to the ice nation but that just made Clarke pull her jacket around her tighter. It was around midday when Anya pushed them into the small alcove of a tree and pressed a finger to her lips indicating for them to be silent as the sound of hooves approaching became louder.

Clarke glimpsed out and was shocked to see the Trikru insignia hanging over the riding warriors. It had been a while since they had spotted members of the Trikru and Clarke was surprised to see them riding this far north. Anya seemed to think the same because she was frowning but then she must have recognised a rider because suddenly she was standing and calling out to them.

Clarke shared a look with Octavia but they followed suite when Lincoln stood from his crouched position. When she turned the corner the blonde was shocked to see Anya embracing the front rider then did a double take at the sight of Indra standing there.

The general nodded to Lincoln and Octavia though she looked surprised to see Clarke there, "What are you doing this far north Anya?"

"I might ask you the same" She replied coyly.

Indra frowned, "The alliance has become strained. I have taken it upon myself to travel between the nearest Azgeda villages in favour of keeping with the alliance. Even the Queen would not be foolish enough to go against her own generals"

"Indeed"

The general raised an eyebrow at Anya and the rest of their party, "And what are you doing this far North?"

"Travelling to the nearest ice nation village for the sky people to meet other members of the alliance… I deemed it necessary" It was a lie. An obvious lie. Clarke winced internally as Indra raised an eyebrow but she realised that Anya didn't seem too bothered that the general had figured it out and it was then that she realised the lie hadn't been aimed at Indra but rather her accompanying warriors. No doubt Indra guessed why there were here but she could be trusted whereas random warriors from an army formed by a coalition that was falling apart were no doubt untrustworthy. Clarke glanced at those still on their horses behind the general but they didn't seem at all interested in the conversation in front of them.

Indra nodded to Anya and turned back to pull herself back on her horse, "In that case, I shall not keep you, but be careful when travelling through the pass. The storm is larger up there"

Anya gave a nod and she was gone. Clarke watched the party fade into the distance before turning to the grounder, "The storm is larger up there?"

"A warning" Anya frowned, "The ice Queen is gathering her numbers… but for what?"

Octavia crossed her arms across her chest in an attempt to keep warm, "An attack? Could she be planning a war"

"If she wanted a war she would have turned on us at the mountain. She is waiting for something"

"She's planning a coup then?" Lincoln asked as they began on their original track towards the ice nation capitol and Anya took the lead again, "Form an alliance of her own and turn on the other clans when they least expect it"

"The Trikru has always been one of the strongest clans"

"Without a leader" Clarke realised, "they're sitting ducks"

Anya gave her a strange look but didn't comment on the phrase, "We need a commander before the ice nation can act on whatever it is they plan to do next"

Clarke stopped walking a sense of dread and realisation settled over her, "That's why they haven't killed her" She whispered.

Octavia stopped and turned to look at her, "What?"

"They haven't killed Lexa because they need her alive. If they killed her the commander's spirit would just pass on to the next commander then the Trikru would have their leader but alive…"

"Alive the spirit cannot pass on" Anya nodded, "and the Trikru is left defenceless"

"They're been planning this all alone" Clarke laughed bitterly, "This is what they always planned with mount weather. They knew we would attack, with our people Cage had a way to reach the ice nation and bring them the commander... and we sat back for three months and did nothing"

Octavia shook her head, "It's not too late. We'll find Lexa and then we'll head back to the Trikru before the ice nation can attack"

"What if it's too late? What if we can't get to Lexa before they act?" Clarke spat.

Nobody answered and Clarke knew she wasn't the only one thinking it. Besides, even if they did reach Lexa, what would they find when they did? A feeling of trepidation settled in the pit of her stomach as they delved deeper into ice nation territory and she wondered if this was all going to be for nothing.

 **LEXA'S BACK FOR SEASON 3**

 **Sorry - had to be said again. Like I said before, we find Lexa soon so hold out for me. There's going to a be a few chapters of fluff, angst and love after we find Lexa because who doesn't love a bit of clexa angst? (Everybody but me probably... Oh well O.O)**


	3. Ice Nation

**I couldn't be bothered to make this into two seperate chapters so I took longer and wrote one big one :) Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing still... Shocker**

Food was scarce. Whether because it was colder north or the fact that the hunting parties were taking all the prey Clarke didn't know but it was becoming apparent why they were seeing less and less hunters as the days drew out. On the second night the four of them were forced to share a single rabbit and Clarke struggled to keep the pain in her stomach at bay as they continued on the next morning. Even Anya and Lincoln seemed to be struggling. She only hoped they would reach the ice nation soon where they could hopefully get their hands on some decent food or water. Clarke couldn't help but notice how low her energy supply was becoming and she knew that right now she would be useless in a fight. Still they pushed forward through the thickening forest as the darkness drew in and snow became to appear in spots behind them. By the time Clarke was woken by Anya on the third day the snow had developed into a clean sheet that they were forced to trudge through begrudgingly exerting more energy than they would have liked.

They came across the lake on the third day. There was an ice nation boat house that lay abandoned on the edge of the lake and they managed to pry the doors open to find several boats piled together with oars. After pulling a boat free they lowered it into the lake along the edge of the forest where it was hidden from view by vines and weeds. Anya's idea was to paddle gently up the edge so they were out of view from the guards posted along the south wall that overlooked the lake. Anya took the lead with Octavia and Clarke filling up the middle with Lincoln at the end to balance it out. Clarke eyed the guards as they neared the wall and held her breath every time one turned in their direction but let it go a few moments later as they turned away. It turned out entering the ice nation was the easy part. An old sewer entrance lay in the shadows of the wall and their party managed to pull themselves up without detection. It was dark, stank and shallow so Clarke was forced to crouch down but it got them inside so she could put her discomfort to the back of her mind in favour of possibly finding Lexa.

The entrance came up round the back of a house and Clarke was thankful night had fallen as Anya pulled her up followed by the other two. She glanced round the corner of the house and into the streets unsurprised to see it relatively deserted. Clarke let out a slow breath and watched as a cloud of mist evaporated out into the air. She cringed and looked over her shoulder to see Anya pushing the grate back over their entrance as Octavia cracked her back alongside Lincoln.

"Do we have to go back out that way?" She whispered.

Clarke rolled her eyes and hissed, "Shut up, O"

Anya walked over and peered around the corner beside Clarke, "Where will Lexa be kept?"

"The prison cells but they're deep underground and heavily guarded… It will be hard for us to enter them without being discovered and it isn't worth the risk when we don't even know if she's here"

"I thought we agreed she was here?" Clarke snapped back.

"Is there a way for us to find out if she's here without actually going down there?" Octavia cut in and ignored the glare Clarke shot at her.

Anya raised an eyebrow, "There might be… Usually they keep track of prisoners that they have but I cannot imagine the commander will follow the same principle"

"It's worth a try"

There moment was broken apart by a voice crying out in a language Clarke didn't recognise and she assumed was Azgeda because a moment later a group of guards appeared at the end of the street. She heard Octavia swear under her breath as the men drew their swords at the sight of them. Anya grasped Clarke below her elbow and tugged.

"Run" She hissed.

Clarke turned on her heel and followed Lincoln who had already taken off with Octavia close on his heel. He led them through the maze of houses and streets that made up the ice nation capitol but she could still heard the thundering steps behind her. They only seemed to be sinking deeper into the maze the longer they ran and more than once they were forced to turn back after hitting a dead end.

After hitting a wall Anya turned to them, "We need to find somewhere to hide and fast. We won't find a way out tonight"

Lincoln nodded and allowed Anya to take the lead as she helped each of the climb over the wall. Once at the top Lincoln and Clarke turned around to pull the grounder up just as the guards rounded the corner. They dropped down to the ground on the other side and they were faced with yet another maze of streets ahead of them. Clarke let out a frustrated huff, ran a hand through her hand, and looked around for anywhere to hide as the sounds of guards attempting to climb the other side of the wall reached them.

"Anya!" A voice hissed.

Clarke spun around to see a door to her right open a jar as a face gazed out at them. She looked to the grounder who was staring at the source of the voice with wide eyes, "Who are you?"

Instead of answering they just pulled the door open further and motioned for them all to come inside, "In here. Quick"

She looked to Anya for assurance before slipping through the door. The room was layered with fur apart from the middle where a small fire sat still burning and Clarke lowered her hood suddenly overcome by the warmth of the house. She turned around to see Octavia and Lincoln doing the same.

Anya was the last through and they heard the door snap shut followed a few moments later by the appearance of a female grounder. Clarke frowned, she didn't recognise her, but Anya's eyes widened in realisation as she pulled the woman in for a tight embrace.

"Echo"

The woman, Echo, leant back and beamed at Anya, "What are you doing here?"

Anya glanced at the others and dropped her smile for a serious expression, "We're looking for someone that may or may not be in your prison"

Echo nodded slowly with a slight frown and looked to Clarke. She seemed to recognise her because her eyes widened at the sight of the blonde and suddenly she was staring at all of them individually as if carefully examining them, "Quite a group… Who is this person?"

"Someone important"

"The guards are after you" Echo pointed out, "The Queen will know you're here now"

"Which is why we have to act quickly" Anya stared her down for a moment.

Clarke glanced at Lincoln who seemed to be just as confused by their display as she was. Octavia was watching them with a slight frown and Clarke cleared her throat to draw their attention, "Who is this?"

"Echo… She is one of the ones we saved from the mountain. After being turned into a reaper"

The woman smiled at Clarke thankfully and she gave a slight nod. After the fall of the mountain they had rounded up all the reapers (after Cage let them loose into the forest before leaving with Lexa) and started the process of curing them. It had taken a while but it was yet another thing that Clarke had been thankful for at the time to keep her mind occupied but now she found it awkward when meeting someone she had saved. It was all difficult without Lexa.

"I know who you are" Echo said looking Clarke up and down, "I owe you my life Clarke of the sky people"

Clarke watched her as she stepped away from Anya and lifted a pile of furs then handed one to each of them, "They will work better in this temperature than the clothes you have already. You will also stand out less as a member of the Trikru…"

She slipped her arm into the fur and wrapped it around her body humming in satisfaction at the welcomed warmth it provided. Anya nodded approvingly, "Can you help us Echo?"

"You are looking for your commander" She said simply.

Clarke stepped closer to the girl, "She's here? Do you know where she is?"

Echo slowly shook her head and Clarke bit her lip anxiously, "However a few months ago, when the light faded earlier, during the night a group were brought in from the forest and taken to the queen. I haven't seen them since but there were four of them. I couldn't make out their faces in the dark but one was definitely a female"

"That's got to be her" Clarke said desperately, "It has to be. We know Dante, Cage and Emison all got away too… It makes sense"

"My people would never side with the mountain" Echo snarled.

"And yet they've taken our commander" Clarke growled stepping closer to the girl warningly.

Anya stepped in between them and shoved Clarke back roughly to Octavia, "We are in this together. We don't know that they have her yet so let's not assume anything" She dropped her glare from Clarke and turned to Echo, "Is there a way for you to find out?"

Echo drew her eyes away from Clarke and nodded, "There is a record kept by the west gate… I could be back by first light if I were to leave now. But you would have to stay here"

Anya looked over her shoulder at Clarke who nodded then turned back to Echo with her own nod of approval. Echo stepped away and pulled her own set of furs around her. She turned back to them as she lifted the hood over her head, "You should all stay here. Do not move until I return, there is food in the corner if you are hungry"

They watched Echo leave and Clarke turned to Anya as Lincoln and Octavia darted over to the corner where Echo had indicated, "How do we know we can trust her?"

Anya accepted the slice of salted meat Lincoln handed her, "We do not. However I fail to see how we have much choice"

"I don't like waiting here to see if she'll turn us in or not" Clarke frowned.

Anya sat down against the furs and bit into her meat. Clarke just shook her head and took the meat Octavia offered her then sat down beside the Blake who was huddling beside the fire.

"Do you have a better plan?" Octavia mumbled through a mouthful of meat.

Clarke shook her head, "No… But I still don't like it"

She nibbled on the edge of her food as Lincoln spoke, "The way I see it is that we have two options; leave or stay. If we stay we run the risk of Echo handing us over to the queen but there's also the chance that she's telling the truth and she'll help us find the commander. If we leave then the guards will definitely find us and hand us over to the queen"

Clarke didn't like those odds but she couldn't deny that sitting in the warmth beside a fire eating the first decent meal in days was better than running from guards. She wasn't sure when she dozed off but the next thing she knew she was curled up deep into the furs with the embers of the fire just about burning as the first rays of light broke through the gaps of Echo's home. Clarke rubbed the tiredness from her eyes and pulled herself up into a sitting position. To her left Lincoln and Octavia were tucked up together, both still fast asleep, and opposite Anya was lying down eyes closed so Clarke assumed she too was sleeping. She stood from the furs and stretched, cracking her back, as she gazed around the room. By the looks of things it was still early but Echo still wasn't back and Clarke could only hope that meant she hadn't turned them in. The room was still warm but there was a feint chill starting to settle in and she shuddered at how cold it must get during the night without a fire…

The sound of the door opening and snapping up drew Clarke's eyes up and forced the other three from sleep though from the way Anya stood straight away she assumed it wasn't a very deep one. Echo appeared in the doorway lowering her hood to reveal a pink tinge to her cheeks and nose.

"Well?" Clarke asked desperately, "Is she there?"

"Not under name, no, however there is a prisoner without a name that matches the commander's description"

Clarke rounded on Anya whose brow was furrowed in thought, "That's her. It has to be"

"We don't know that" Octavia started but shut up at the glare she shot her way.

"I'm not waiting anymore" She snapped, "I agreed to wait and let Echo find out if she was there. All the signs show that Lexa's here. I don't care whether you come with me or not but I'm going down to the prison and I'm getting her out"

Octavia was staring at her with wide eyes. Anya shook her head whilst Echo scoffed, "You would not get past the first set of guards"

"I don't care!" Clarke cried, "I'm done waiting. The longer we wait the longer they have to do what they want with her… They've already had three months. I'm not waiting any longer"

Echo raised an eyebrow, "And where do you plan on taking her? The journey back to the Trikru could prove fatal for her if they have indeed been torturing her"

"She's right. We have nowhere to go if Lexa is here, Clarke" Octavia stared at her with sympathetic and pleading eyes.

Anya scratched her chin thoughtfully and Lincoln glanced at the warrior with a questioning look, "Luna. Luna's clan is closer… You keep by the river and it's a day, two at most, we could make that journey"

"Can we trust Luna?"

Anya nodded, "Luna is an ally. She will take us"

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh, "Now can we go?"

"We go" Echo nodded, "But you will do it my way. I have no interest in killing my people but there may be an easier way for us to do this"

XoXoXoX

The light was just beginning to fade again and Anya gave them all a brief nod. Echo had left shortly after arriving that morning with a promise that by the time the sun began setting they would be able to reach the prison undetected. They kept low and to the shadows as the four of them made their way through the streets towards the closest entrance that Echo had explained to Anya how to find. Clarke didn't know what Echo had done to remove the guards from the streets but whatever it was it worked because they arrived at the entrance without running into a single being.

The entrance reminded Clarke of the old catacombs she had read about on the Ark where they had once buried the dead. There were no guards here either and they freely crept down into the pits that were lit only by the feint glow coming from the candles on the walls. At the bottom of the staircase they came to two unconscious guards and Echo waiting for them.

Clarke glanced at the two bodies, "What did you do to them?"

"Sleeping herb. They will wake in about n hour so we must hurry"

They followed the grounder through several halls of cells and Clarke tried to avoid looking in them but once or twice a hand would reach out or the sounds of painful moans would reach her ears. She wanted to retch at the smell and wondered how anyone could possibly work down here.

"The smell is enough to drive some prisoners insane" Echo mumbled to her, "They leave them down here for a week alone to their own thoughts. That can be enough to break some people"

It didn't exactly reassure Clarke but it certainly helped dig further into the current pit of guilt eating away at her. If she hadn't waited so long, if they had gone after Cage in the first place or if she had never walked away from Lexa down in those tunnels… Maybe this all could have been avoided.

"Here"

Echo stopped beside a single door that, unlike the others, had no bars to see inside, and handed Clarke the key with a small nod. The blonde took a deep breath and pushed the key inside, turned it until she heard the lock click and pushed.

The smell hit her first. It was so pungent she was forced to cover her nose and mouth afraid this might push her over the edge. The light from the hall flooded in to the black cell and Clarke gazed down at the ground where a single layer of thin fur sat. She tried to ignore the dried blood on the ground and other damp patches that she didn't want to know the source of. It was empty. The cell was empty.

Clarke stepped inside as did Anya and the grounder crouched down to the ground. She shook her head desperately as Octavia spoke from behind her, "We don't know for certain this was her"

"It was her"

The blonde looked down to see Anya holding out a torn piece of red sash. The commander's sash. Clarke let out a light sob and stepped out from the cell. She ran her hands through her hair before spinning on her heel, glaring at the wall opposite her then striking out and hitting it in frustration.

"Fuck" She growled and rubbed her knuckles soothingly. Clarke lifted her hands to wipe away at the tears falling freely now.

"She was here recently" Lincoln pointed out, "All of this is fresh. She cannot be long gone"

Clarke turned to face them, "Then we could still find her"

"There's no way of knowing where they've taken her but-"

Whatever Echo was going to suggest was drowned out by the horn blaring from overhead. They all looked up to the ceiling where Clarke imagined hurried and desperate guards running around overhead.

"What is that?"

"A warning" Echo whispered, "They know you are here… You must get to the forest quickly"

Anya's eyes widened, "Which way?"

Echo pushed past Clarke further into the tunnel, "There is a passage out through these tunnels that lead under the wall. You must come this way, you will not be able to leave by going above ground again"

Clarke took one last glance at the cell then sighed in frustration. They would be no use to Lexa locked up next to her. Then she turned and followed the others deeper into the labyrinth. Echo was right about them not making it out once they reached the surface because Clarke could hear the movement from overhead and resounding through the tunnels. No doubt the guards knew exactly where they were she just prayed that Echo would get them out before they reached them.

Echo led them down another set of staircases, through three different tunnel paths until they reached a locked gate. Clarke glanced over her shoulder nervously as the grounder fiddled with the lock. The footsteps were louder now. The gate creaked slightly as they pushed it open and Echo slammed it shut behind them; with any luck the guards wouldn't follow them any further.

This tunnel wasn't lit by any candles and they were left to follow the way by running their hands along the walls. It was damp, cold and extremely claustrophobic but Clarke pushed that aside as she clenched her teeth. Seven days ago she had been lying out beside the lake, basking in the sun and now here she was running for her life under layers of snow close to freezing to death. Still they seemed to be no closer to finding Lexa. Clarke couldn't help but wonder if this had all been for nothing.

Lincoln called back as he reached the end and Clarke welcomed the feeling of cold fresh air against her skin as she was helped from the tunnel up into the night air. It was still dark though not pitch black. They had emerged on the edge of the ice forest just out of sight of the capitol walls where she could see figures moving around quickly illuminated by the flames alight across the fortress.

Her breath was blowing out from her mouth in cool gasps before rising up into the air and she shuddered slightly before pulling the furs tighter around her body. She watched as Lincoln helped Octavia then Echo up and then pushed the grate back over the entrance.

"How did they know we were there?"

Echo shook her head, "I do not know… They must have found the guards unconscious"

"Or the boat" Octavia suggested, "We left that by the wall"

Clarke let out a huff, "It doesn't matter. What do we do now?"

"We could get back to Polis and warn them…" Octavia trailed off at the look Clarke was giving her.

"I'm not leaving without Lexa" Clarke growled, "There has to be another way… Somewhere else they could have taken her" She glanced at Echo.

Echo nodded slowly, "There is another prison not far from here but I cannot tell you how to enter it. I have never been"

Clarke groaned and looked around at the others but once again she was brought out of the conversation by another horn blaring. She spun around to see one of the gates along the wall slowly opening to reveal a small party with several torches but she couldn't make out how many men were there.

"What now?" Octavia groaned.

"Hunting parties" Echo mumbled, "Trackers to hunt us down"

Clarke shook her head, "We can't run forever"

Anya nodded slowly and unsheathed her sword, "Climb a tree. Do not move until I say"

She assisted Clarke in climbing up to the nearest tree where she placed herself gently leaning back against the trunk as Anya moved to her own tree. Clarke spotted Octavia balancing herself in the tree opposite and knew Lincoln and Echo wouldn't be far either.

The party moved out from the gate and Clarke watched from her perch amongst the leaves as the lights moved down to the grate. As they neared her hiding place she counted eight men led by a shrouded figure at the front. Clarke's hand tightened on the gun as the figure crouched down by the gate then lowered one of the torches down to the ground. She winced at the sight knowing they would soon see their footprints and once they followed them would see that they stopped just below the cluster of trees they were currently hiding in.

The figures stood and followed the footprints slowly unsheathing their sword as they approached. Clarke watched as the party came to a stop underneath her tree. She braced herself and grasped her sword with her other hand.

A shout came from another tree and Clarke watched as Anya through herself from her tree into the nearest member of the group. Immediately the trees erupted as Lincoln, Echo and Octavia all dived into the fray. Clarke followed suite and dropped next to Octavia who was currently defending a parry from the nearest Azgeda warrior. Clarke swiped her sword up across the man's back then brought her gun up to strike him across the back of the head. Shooting would raise suspicion from the wall.

Clarke was brought back by the sound of an angry cry and turned to see a female warrior charging towards her. She brought her sword up to block the attack then ducked the second blow from the woman's strike and Clarke kicked out her foot sending her flying back against the nearby tree before bring her blade across to slice the woman's neck. She let out a silent cry and fell to the ground.

Anya pushed back the man she had been fighting and Clarke used the momentary distraction to bring her blade up the man's back. Anya shot her a thankful look and Clarke nodded. She looked around at the bodies littering the ground, staining the snow red and swallowed the lump in her throat. The blonde spun around at the sound of a panicked shout. Lincoln was fighting off against the lead figure Clarke had seen before but, despite Lincoln's own skills, he was putting up a better fight.

The blade of the warrior swiped up and almost caught Lincoln across his neck. He fell back in shock and the warrior brought his foot back to kick Lincoln down as he raised the blade to finish it off. With an angered roar Octavia pushed herself up from the ground and brought the butt of her blade bringing git down across the man's head. A startled cry then he crumpled to the ground. Clarke frowned at the sound and rushed forward ignoring Lincoln and Octavia who were hugging furiously.

Anya reached the unconscious warrior first and brought her blade up ready to finish it when Clarke jumped in front, her arms wide, "No!"

"Clarke" She frowned, "He's too dangerous to be kept alive"

Clarke shook her head and knelt down beside the body, "It's not a he" She pushed back the hood to reveal the face underneath.

The skin was covered in bruises, dried blood and swelling at the temple where Octavia had struck but she would recognise that face anyway. Clarke raised a shaking hand to run it gently over the cheek and watched as her own tears dropped to mix with the wetness of the snow.

"It's Lexa"

 **Omg Omg Omg Omg...**

 **So we have finally been reunited with our commander heart eyes... Thoguh she's not so commander heart eyes these days... Hmmm...**


	4. Luna

**So as I have warned you all previously season 3 is going to be angsty and drama filled so we shall see but these next few chapters are going to be very emotional and difficult for Lexa and Clarke.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Clarke stared across the fire at Lexa's unconscious form. After a day of traveling they were nearing the boat clan and Clarke found she became more and more anxious with each step. Lexa was currently tied to the tree opposite Clarke with Lincoln and Echo standing watch throughout the night but she couldn't bring herself to sleep. The sound of footsteps breaking branches reached her ears and a few seconds later Octavia was collapsing beside her. Anya was perched against a tree a short distance away.

"Anya says we only have to follow the river down to a large lake… _Boat people_. They literally live on a lake"

Clarke snorted, "Clue's in the title. Do you really think they'll help us?"

"Lincoln says they've always been allies with the Trikru, even before the alliance of the twelve clans, and Luna's a good friend of Lexa's" Octavia smiled at her reassuringly.

She turned to face the girl with a wary smile. Octavia nodded to Lexa, "We'll figure this out Clarke… I promise"

"Don't make promises you can't keep" Clarke said bitterly.

Octavia stared back at her with a frown, "We will. This isn't forever"

"You don't know that"

"Clarke" Octavia turned her body so she was facing her, "Listen to me. We will find a way to reverse this-"

She shook her head furiously, "Stop it. She tried to Lincoln. That isn't her, this isn't her, and whatever they did to her in there won't be easy to reverse Octavia"

"I didn't say it would be easy"

"I am so tired" Clarke mumbled and pressed her face into the palm of her hands, "I thought we would fight mount weather and that would be the end of it but now it looks like this is only the beginning"

Octavia nodded slowly, "I know; we all did. This is just how things are on the ground"

"There's got to be more to life than just fighting…"

"It's survival" She argued.

Clarke snorted, "Survival and living are two very different things"

Octavia sighed and leant back against the trunk of the tree. There was a moment of silence over the camp filled only by Echo and Lincoln's quiet murmurings alongside the crackling of the fire. Clarke stared into the embers and watched the flames flicker and burn up until they were just left to float up into the Nights sky. She enjoyed the coolness of the night air contradicting with the heat from the fire. Clarke's gaze lifted again to the unconscious commander lying back against the tree. She was dressed in all black with the jacket wrapped around her and the fur hood fallen back from where it had previously been hiding her features. Anya had disarmed her already but Clarke didn't doubt that she could do an equal amount of damage with or without a weapon.

"I read something; back on the Ark" She mumbled. Octavia's eyes were closed but she knew the girl was listening, "I'm not sure whether it was a story or a page I read in class but it said something that, back then, I thought was ridiculous but now I see otherwise. It said that there was no point in fearing death when there are worse things in life than death… Since being down on the ground I can't help but agree"

"I don't know Clarke… I think dying is a part of life. Everyone dies eventually. People die down here, people died on the Ark, I don't think it really makes a difference where we are but I like to think we're free down here"

"Are we?" Her eyes glanced back to Lexa.

Octavia let out a sigh, "I am. I spent my whole life locked up one way or another but down here I'm free to live. I'm not saying it's easy but it definitely beats living in a tin can like the Ark"

Clarke nodded then mumbled, "Do you think it's my fault?"

"No" Octavia shook her head with a stern look at Clarke, "It's not your fault Clarke. The only people to blame are Cage and the Ice Queen"

"There's going to be another war isn't there?"

Octavia bit her lip, taking Clarke's hand in her own and squeezed it reassuringly. The blonde leant her head against her shoulder and Octavia pressed against Clarke's head gently closing her eyes.

"We've got her Clarke… And right now that's enough"

XoXoXoX

Lexa woke up as they were packing up the camp early the next morning and it was just as violent and heart-wrenching as Clarke had predicted. She had to help Lincoln to pull the brunette back as she dove for Octavia's neck when the ropes slipped after they tried to move her. Lexa was struggling against the bindings too much for Clarke to get a good look at her but there was unmistakable signs of injury on her face and arms along with scarring tissue that Clarke doubted she wanted to know the story behind. Once she was tightly restrained again with her hands forced behind her back Clarke allowed herself a moment to look her over.

Lexa's eyes followed her as she moved and Clarke didn't miss the way her chest was still heaving from her struggle. There was nothing familiar about the look on her face. It was Lexa and yet the lines on her forehead growing into a constant scowl along with the sneer etched across her lips brought the guilt back just as strong as before. Yet despite her expression, her actions and the injuries what caught Clarke off guard most of all were her eyes. They weren't the warm green she had become accustomed to… There was a thin line of red painting the edge whereas the blackness of the pupil hit Clarke hardest of all.

She took a shaky breath then stepped back from her with slow steps. Octavia grasped her arm reassuringly. Clarke watched as Lincoln and Echo lifted Lexa from the ground holding an arm each to keep her in place whilst they walked.

It was slow going. Finding the river was easy enough and Anya had explained that it wasn't a particularly long journey but having a drugged Lexa with them increased the journey dramatically. Every so often she would attempt to twist from Lincoln and Echo's grasp which just forced them all to stop until they could calm her down again. It was moments like this, above all else, that reminded Clarke it was Lexa. There was something oddly reassuring about her resilience.

After the fifth attempt Anya began to get increasingly frustrated and decided they'd move quicker with Lexa unconscious. She ignored Clarke's shout in protest and hit Lexa across the head with the nearest log she could find. Clarke glared at her as she looked the injury over. The last thing they needed was for her to contract a severe head injury as well. Anya merely shrugged claiming it was necessary but Clarke noticed there was a look of guilt about her and she realised that Anya too hated seeing Lexa like this.

They arrived at the boat clan just as the sun was beginning to set. Clarke's eyes widened at the sight as they broke through the tree line. The river burst out into a giant lake where huts sat balanced above the water connected by a series of board walks and several boats sat unattended. Anya led the way to a board walk nearest them and across the precarious system to a large hut sat further away from the smaller ones. It was illuminated by two torches either side of the entrance and by them stood two guards at the ready who tensed at their approach. Anya nodded to them as they got closer and they must have recognised her because the next thing Clarke knew she was pushing past the entrance.

The inside wasn't much different from Lexa's tent though it was significantly bigger. Clarke came to a stop beside Anya who was staring at the corner where a table was placed and when Clarke followed her gaze she finally noticed the grounder standing there. She assumed this was Luna. The grounder's hair was wispy brown pulled back into a single braid that fell down her back; her clothes were thin and loose on her dyed a light brown as opposed to the black leather of the Trikru. Her face was free from war paint but there was a single scar running from under her left eye to her chin. Clarke eyed her warily as she stepped around the table to grasp Anya's arm.

"Anya… This is a surprise"

"Luna" She nodded in greeting, "Our trip was not planned however it seems that you may be able to assist us…"

Anya explained the previous months to Luna starting from the battle at mount weather all up to their breach of the ice nation and the discovery of Lexa. At the mention of Lexa Anya turned and indicated to the unconscious body between Echo and Lincoln. Luna's eyes widened and she stepped forward to see for her own eyes.

Luna and Anya spoke in a hushed tone for a moment. Clarke shared a look with Octavia who just shrugged in response. Anya turned back from the other woman and turned to Clarke, "Luna will allow us to stay here until we can get word to Indra in Polis about what's happening here"

Clarke smiled weakly at the boat clan leader, "Thank you"

Luna gave her a short nod, "You are welcome here for as long as you need Clarke of the sky people. You saved many of my people in that mountain. I will bring my healers by immediately and we will do what we can for Leksa"

The blonde could only manage another weak smile before being led from the hut. She and Octavia were given a small hut to share with Lincoln and Echo in the next one along. Clarke followed the healers as they took Lexa to a separate hut where they restrained her over a small pile of furs and she took comfort in the fact that she would at least be well cared for. She watched them lay the brunette down on the furs and waited until they stepped away before kneeling down next to her head. Clarke sighed as she ran a soothing hand through the loose strands of hair taking in the sweaty and beaten features. She looked so small and frail like this. Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa's forehead and sniffed back the tears threatening to fall.

"I'm so sorry" She mumbled feeling her eyes begin sting with tears, "I never should have left you down there. I'm not leaving you again Lexa; I love you"

Lexa shifted in her sleep and Clarke watched her in apprehension but she remained unconscious. She ran her thumb over the girl's cheekbone.

"Clarke" Octavia's voice hit her, "We need to leave her for the night… You need to eat"

She nodded and pressed a finally watery kiss to Lexa's temple then pulled away from her slightly. She paused and whispered, "I'll be back tomorrow. I promise" Then stood to walk away with Octavia to get some food.

They ate in a large hut that was formed like a hall. A large table took up most of the room. Luna sat at the head of the table with Anya sitting to her left and Clarke to her right. Lincoln, Octavia and Echo took up the last few seats.

Luna swallowed her mouthful of food then turned to Clarke, "I have informed my healers to meet you outside the commander's hut at first light. They will listen to whatever you tell them and our head healer has some experience when it comes to working with the Ice Queen's methods"

"Thank you" Clarke nodded gratefully, "Really. Thank you for all of this… I'm not sure she would have made it back to the Trikru"

Anya hummed in agreement, "Luna has sent a rider to TonDC. I have requested Indra's presence but the sooner we return to Polis the better"

"You will need to contact the other clans" Luna reminded her.

Clarke frowned, "Who can we trust?"

Anya lowered her drink back down to the table, "The clans of the south have always been loyal to the Trikru and the boat clans of course" She nodded to Luna, "However I cannot call those of the East"

"The clans of the mountain will side with the Trikru, they never liked the Ice Nation, however the other Northern clans will side with the Ice Queen as might the west" Luna furrowed her brow thoughtfully, "There will, of course, be clans that choose to stay out of this fight"

Clarke nodded along but she wasn't really listening. The politics of grounder life was more complicated than she was prepared for. This journey had been about finding Lexa and now here they were carefully preparing themselves for a war that seemed to have started the moment Cage escaped from that mountain. Lexa would be better at this. Clarke winced at the thought.

Later that night, when she was lying on the furs next to Octavia, her thoughts strayed once again to the impending war. She had never really the other clans that made up the alliance, Lexa had mentioned it briefly, but they had escaped her mind. It seemed so long ago now when she and Lexa began preparing for the war with mount weather. How different would this war be? How many people would she watch die before it was over? Would she die? Would Lexa?

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh. Thinking like that would help but it seemed that since Lexa's disappearance these thoughts were the only ones occupying her mind. The sound of movement caught her attention and then Octavia's voice broke through the eerie blackness.

"What is it?" She asked her voice still thick with sleep.

"Nothing" Clarke mumbled, "Not really… I was just thinking how complicated this is. It's not like planning the war for mount weather; this is so much more political"

"I guess" Octavia's voice was slightly muffled by the furs she no doubt was pressing her face into.

Clarke gazed up at the roof above her and said thoughtfully, "Lexa was wrong, I'm not made for this, and I don't think I ever will be"

"You're our leader Clarke"

"I haven't been these last three months"

"Who cares? We look to you because we trust you to be able to make the choices that are best for our people. I'd follow you into any war Clarke"

That didn't particularly reassure her either, "Lexa was born for this. She would know what to do…"

Octavia huffed in frustration as the furs moved in moment and Clarke could see the outline of the girl's body as she propped herself up above the blonde, "Well she's not. Clarke I'm sorry but you sat back for three months, okay that's on all of us, but now that we have Lexa I can't just sit back and say nothing. We need a leader and this war isn't waiting for Lexa-"

"I need her Octavia!"

"No" The girl shook her head desperately, "You don't, not for this, and Lexa knew that. You're not alone Clarke and you have to stop acting like you are. We'll get Lexa back but that will take time and until that happens you need to be prepared for what that means. We need you Clarke"

Clarke swallowed thickly attempting to push back the lump in her throat as Octavia rolled back over to fall asleep but her mind was still too active and she didn't fall asleep until much later. When Clarke eventually drifts off it's a restless sleep filled with warm green eyes morphing into blood-red.

 **Ooooooohh Next one we begin Lexa's detox... Hmmm**


	5. Lexa

**Lexa's recovery and over the next few chapters we find out more about what happened to Lexa before Indra arrives and reality catches up with them all. Can't hide out forever :)**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Lexa was glaring up at them furiously from the set of furs. Clarke, Anya, Luna and three healers had been at this for almost an hour yet still all she had done was stare furiously back at them.

Anya looked to Clarke warily, "How does this drug work?"

"On a constant, steady dose but we don't know when the last does Lexa received was" Clarke bit her lip nervously as the red eyes landed on her again before switching back to Anya.

Anya inclined her head, "Are you sure this is the reaper drug? The ones we recovered from the mountain were more animalistic than Lexa seems to be"

She frowned and gazed down at Lexa. The brunette, though having all the traits of a reaper, was more aware of herself than those suffering from the effects of the drug. There was also the fact that she was working as a part of the guard that moved out from the ice nation.

"It's the same drug" She was sure of that, "But we won't know what else played a part in this until the drug's left her system"

Lexa shuffled slightly attempting to release her arms and growled when they came up short again. She resorted back to glaring up at them from the ground and Anya raised an eyebrow at the display before turning to Clarke.

"So we wait?"

She nodded then bit her lip. The last time she had dealt with the drug she had the shock batons nearby ready to restart their hearts. Clarke had no such device here. Anya seemed to notice her worried look.

"What is it?"

Clarke met her gaze with a furrowed brow, "I have nothing to start her heart with here if she goes into shock"

"What do you need?" Luna asked.

"Electricity" Clarke shook her head, "Just enough to give her heart a shock to restart it if it stops"

"Is that likely?"

She let out a long sigh, "It's very likely"

Luna turned to face Clarke, "So you do not need anything too complex…"

"Why?" Her eyes darted to the grounder desperately, "Do you have something?"

"We might" She said cautiously, "There is an old bunker not far from here that my people discovered… There is a" Luna scrunched her face up, "Battery?"

Clarke's eyes widened, "A battery?"

The grounder gave her a confused look and she remembered that they had no idea what she was talking about. Clarke ran a hand through her hair, "If only Raven were here. Turns out we needed her after all"

"Raven would know how to restart it" Anya agreed, "But over the last few months Octavia and I have spent a lot of time around her… If Luna can bring it here we might be able to get it working"

"I can do that" Luna nodded then turned to leave the hut. Clarke looked down at Lexa one last time before turning to the healers.

"Stay with her whilst we sort this out. If she starts seizing or shaking in anyway come and find me?" They nodded as Clarke and Anya left the hut to look for Octavia.

XoXoXoX

The 'battery' as Luna called it turned out to be an old 'jump start set' for a car. Clarke wasn't convinced that it would work after being left for so long but since it was starting to look as though Octavia and Anya knew more she was leaving it to them.

"Will this work?" She asked watching as Octavia examined it, "it won't kill her right?"

Octavia shook her head, "I doubt it's got enough power for that. You'll struggle to restart a car with t but a heart… Maybe"

"Maybe?"

She looked up at the blonde with a raised eyebrow, "I can't say for definite Clarke, I'm not Raven, but I am doing the best I can"

"Right" Clarke took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves as she rubbed her hands, "I know, thank you Octavia, and I really do appreciate it"

Octavia smiled at her reassuringly, "This'll work Clarke. Lexa's a fighter"

Clarke gave Octavia a thankful look but their moment was ruined by the opening of the door and Clarke looked up to see one of Luna's healers standing there. Her heart dropped at the sight of his worried look.

"She is seizing"

She looked to Octavia with a panicked look and the girl nodded to her, "Go… I'll be along with this as soon as I can"

Clarke tore from the hut, pushed past the guards and darted over to Lexa's. Inside a single healer had pushed the brunette onto her side against the furs. Clarke faltered slightly at the sight of Lexa seizing so violently and she felt the lump in her throat return along with the burning in her eyes threatening with tears. The healer looked up to Clarke with a desperate look and the blonde shoved him away so she could get a better look at the grounder. Lexa's eyes were rolled back into her head as her body shook from the strain of it. Clarke hissed and held Lexa in place so she didn't joke as the girl began foaming at the mouth.

"Come on" She hissed running a hand gently down her side, "Come on Lex"

Lexa let out a long string of coughs that tore at her throat and Clarke watched as her eyes came back in a panicked look. For a moment she felt relief at finally seeing the sea of green she was used to but the moment was gone as the brunette's coughs subsided into desperate gasps of air. Her body felt back against the furs as she gasped for air, her body having stopped seizing but still shaking and sweat pouring down her face.

Her eyes rolled back in her head again as her body shook with a final shudder and Lexa fell back against the furs her body still. Clarke gasped desperately and felt her pulse point. When she found nothing she pulled back to press against her chest. Clarke pressed down repeatedly and mumbled to herself, "Please, please, please…"

"Clarke!" Octavia's voice broke through her revere.

She looked up to see Octavia bursting into the hut, "I've got it working"

"Quick" She pulled it down and gave the wires to the blonde.

Clarke glanced down at Lexa for a second with a silent prayer that this would work then pressed them against her chest. Lexa's body convulsed slightly before falling back motionless again against the furs. Clarke grits her teeth and pulled away again for a moment before then pressing forward and forcing Lexa's body into another convulsion.

There was a moment of silence until finally the brunette burst out into another cough. Clarke dropped the wires as Lexa's mouth gasped desperately for air and she tried to ignore the way her heart dropped at the sight. She leant forward and ran her hand gently down the girl's face that was still slick with sweat, her chest still heaving for air.

"Lexa… Hey you're okay…" Clarke whispered gently.

The brunette's eyes flickered open still clinging for breath. Her eyes were glazed over as they examined the room for a moment before landing on Clarke and the brunette whimpered slightly at the sight of her. Clarke frowned and leant forward stroking her cheeks in an attempt to soothe her but it was only then that she realised Lexa was crying.

"You're okay" She repeated, "You're safe"

"Clarke…" Lexa croaked as her eyes fluttered closed. She was exhausted and Clarke watched Lexa's face eased slightly as her breathing calmed down beginning to ease.

Octavia crouched down slowly at the blonde's side, "Is she…"

"She's tired" Clarke lifted a hand to wipe at the tears stinging her eyes, "Just sleeping"

The other girl nodded and raised a soothing hand to rub at Clarke's back for a moment before standing from the ground, "I'll bring you some fresh water for her… Do you need anything?"

Clarke didn't raise her eyes from the brunette and shook her head, "No… Well, a cloth to clean her with but nothing else"

"Okay. I'll be back in a moment" Octavia's voice reached her.

She nodded absentmindedly but continued to run her hand repeatedly over Lexa's face to try and ease the lines from her face as she slipped off into sleep.

Clarke was wiping the sweat and grime from Lexa's forehead gently with a wet cloth when the brunette's eyes flickered open again. She halted her movements and smiled apprehensively at Lexa. At first she didn't seem to register that Clarke was there because her eyes were glazed over and distant as they flickered around the room but then they landed on Clarke. They widened for a moment before slowly closing as Lexa swallowed and whimpered.

"You're not real" She mumbled, "You're not here"

Clarke shook her head and placed her hands either side of Lexa's face, "I am here, Lexa, I am real"

Lexa shook her head loosely still refusing to open her eyes, "You can't be" She muttered out, "You're dead"

"What are you talking about?" Clarke frowned and ran a soothing finger down the brunette's jaw. Lexa's face eased slightly at the touch but she still shook ever so slightly in Clarke's arms.

"You're not real" She repeated, "You're not real"

"Lexa-"

Lexa furrowed her brow and shook her head violently, "No. I watched you die. You're not real, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real…"

"Lexa" She forced the girl to look at her, "Lexa look at me. Look at me" The brunette slowly opened her eyes and Clarke tried to ignore the fear she saw there, "I'm alive Lexa. I'm real, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere okay?"

She nodded slowly and Clarke continued, "I love you and I've missed you so much" She smiled at the brunette who was still staring back at her in fear. Clarke pressed a gently kiss to her brow, "Get some more sleep and I'll be here when you wake up"

Lexa's eyes flickered as she pressed back into the furs and Clarke stayed until her breathing evened out. She placed the cloth back down into the bowl and stood from the furs then left the hut suddenly finding that she needed some fresh air.

The sun was just starting to set and the sounds of voices were coming from the hall but Clarke didn't feel like eating so instead she walked to the end of the dock. She sat down with her feet hanging off the end and stared off across the water. There were about three small boats floating out in the distance and Clarke watched them move around on the water for a while as the light finally faded.

"Clarke?"

She looked over her shoulder to see Octavia walking up behind her. The youngest Blake joined Clarke down on the dock and let out a long, "So today was a long day"

"Don't start Octavia" Clarke frowned.

Octavia raised an eyebrow with a small shrug, "I wasn't going to Clarke. Actually I was going to ask if you were doing okay?"

Clarke closed her eyes, "Lexa thought I was dead…"

"What?"

"Lexa woke up but she was convinced that I was dead" She shook her head slowly trying to push away the images forming in her mind of what they did to her to make her believe that… Clarke didn't attempt to push back the tears now beginning to fall, "She thought I was dead"

An arm slipped around her waist and she let Octavia pull her in for a gentle hug, "It'll take time but she'll be okay Clarke… She will and so will you"

Clarke nodded into the crook of her neck, "Thank you Octavia, for today, I would have lost her without you"

"Well" She paused with a gentle squeeze of Clarke's waist, "Thank Raven for forcing me into all those demonstrations"

She let out a shaky laugh and lifted a hand to wipe away her tears. They stayed like that until all the boats had finally returned from the water and Clarke too pushed back her tears as she returned to Lexa's tent where she fell asleep watching over the brunette.

 **Next chapter we'll have more interaction between Clarke and Lexa**


	6. Planning and recovering

**So I'm back off holiday. This chapter was difficult to write because there was so many emotions I wanted to get across from each character and I can only hope that I've done this the justice it deserves.**

 **I listened to Home II by Dotan whilst writing this :)**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Clarke stayed by Lexa's side but the brunette didn't wake again until late into the evening. The day was spent between meetings with Anya and Luna. She felt reassured having Anya there, someone who seemed to care for Lexa as much as she did, though it was clear that the grounder was torn between her care for her former second and her duty to her people. Judging by the amount of time Lexa was sleeping and, on the few minutes she seemed to rouse only to slip back again, by her depleted energy levels it was clear the brunette was exhausted. Clarke knew the journey to Polis, TonDC or even Camp Jaha was out of the question but they were quickly running out of time and they could only delay their departure for so long. If the Ice nation were to march within the next day they would be no match for them and Clarke couldn't help but fear the outcome of this attack. She vowed they would leave upon Indra's arrival but that seemed to be less and less likely also. However, it was less Lexa's physical state and more her mental one that had Clarke worried. At least she knew Lexa was tired but Clarke was given no indication as how Lexa was mentally with everything and she wouldn't until the brunette woke up.

Clarke had no idea how someone like Lexa, so focussed, strong and sure when it came to defending her people, would deal with emotional backlash of killing them. They didn't know the extent of the ice Queen's methods and they certainly didn't know Cage's involvement. It was a waiting game and Clarke hated it because it seemed that she was out of her depth on this one. Lexa could wake up remembering everything and panic, or she could withdraw into herself, and there was even the chance (Though Clarke hated to admit it) that she would lose all the fight that Clarke had known her to have.

When Lexa finally gained consciousness it was beginning to get dark outside and Clarke was in the middle of changing the bandages across her abdomen. Her eyes flickered open and at first all Clarke could see was confusion but then they focussed on their surroundings until they finally landed on Clarke.

The blonde froze and held her breath waiting for any indication from the brunette. She would let Lexa take the lead here in any way that she needed that could possibly help her to adjust to this.

"Clarke" She croaked out with a small frown, "W-What-" Lexa attempted to swallow only to wince, "Where are we?"

She released the breath she had been holding and took strength and reassurance from the fact that Lexa was no longer trying to kill her nor telling her she was dead, "Luna's clan" Clarke dropped down next her furs but kept her eyes locked with Lexa who, in turn, remained fixed on Clarke, "We're with the boat people. They were closest clan that we could guarantee your safety with"

Lexa frowned, "My safety?"

Her voice was harsh and raw. Clarke raised the water up for Lexa to take a gentle sip and she lapped at it eagerly until Clarke pulled it away for fear of her choking.

"We rescued you from the ice nation" She paused at the brunette's confused look, "Don't you remember?"

"I-I-I…" Her brow furrowed deeper and she scrunched her eyes, "I don't remember… We-We were planning for the war then… No. Nothing"

Lexa looked up at Clarke pleadingly for answers and it sent a jolt through the blonde. She may not remember the past few months but the toll was still there and seeing Lexa, looking so frail, so _broken,_ snapped something inside of Clarke. A burst of anger went through her. Anger at the ice nation, the ice queen and Cage; anyone that had played a part in this.

"So…" Clarke said tentatively with a small frown, "You don't remember anything?"

"No" She swallowed thickly, "What happened?"

Clarke let out a long sigh and lifted her hand to grasp Lexa's reassuringly but the brunette flinched slightly at her touch. She pulled her hand back and Lexa gave her an apologetic smile but Clarke just shook her head then began explaining everything that happened over the last few months. At first the commander was back as she listened with attentive eyes whilst Clarke relived the end of the battle for her and she made sure to run through the losses on her side however the moment was gone as Clarke mentioned the ice nation. Lexa's eyes glossed over and Clarke suspected that she remembered more than she was letting on but she decided not to push. Clarke would let Lexa decided how much she wanted them all to know.

The moment Clarke finished explaining why they were currently residing with Luna and her people Lexa was attempting to push back the furs. Clarke's eyes widened as she stood from the bed and attempted to gently force the brunette back into bed.

"Lexa, Stop! You need to rest"

The brunette glared at her, "I have rested Clarke and I have been away from my people for long enough. I cannot just sit here whilst the ice nation plans an attack. My people need me Clarke"

"Your people need you alive" Clarke corrected her and ignored the girl's warning look as she rested her hands on Lexa's shoulders, "Indra will arrive in a few days so you're free to get up and move around when that happens but not before. Do you understand?" She fixed a stern look on Lexa and for a second she looked like she might argue but then Lexa let out a frustrated sigh and leant back against the furs.

"I do not like this Clarke"

The blonde smiled slightly and lifted the water back up for her to sip, "You don't have to like it but my priority is keeping you alive"

Lexa watched her move around the tent silently out of the corner of her eye and Clarke moved back over to clean her. As she raised the cloth to her head Clarke felt a clammy hand wrap around her wrist and she looked down to see the watery green eyes swimming with emotion as they gazed back up at her.

Clarke didn't dare move her hand but Lexa didn't remove hers from around Clarke's wrist and they just stayed there staring back at one another tenderly. Lexa swallowed as her eyes flickered over Clarke's.

"Thank you" It was quiet, barely a whisper, but Clarke heard it none the less and she just nodded slowly to let the wounded girl know that she understood.

XoXoXoX

Indra arrived early two days later before the sun had even risen and Octavia woke Clarke from a restless sleep to lead her to the commander's hut where everyone was convening. They entered to find Luna and Anya standing at the foot of her bed whilst Lexa was sat up leaning back against a pile of furs to balance her and Indra was beside Lincoln to the left. Everyone looked up briefly at their approach. Clarke was surprised to see the usual commanding expression across Lexa's face and took reassurance from the small amount of colour returning to her pale skin. Waiting for Indra's arrival had proved to be the rest Lexa needed and she had, not for a lack of trying, kept to Clarke's orders of staying in the furs. However the day previously the blonde had watched carefully as she attempted to take a few careful steps. Lexa was proving more determined in her own recovery than she had predicted but still it remained clear that without the drug she was struggling; despite her best efforts to hide here. Clarke was unsurprised to find Lexa sitting up and her shock came more from the returning fierceness she had come to know from the grounder leader.

"Clarke" Indra gave a nod as did Luna and Anya. Octavia went to stand beside Lincoln whilst Clarke came to a stop at Anya's side.

"What's happening?" She looked between them expectantly for an answer however it was Indra that responded.

The general wore a blank expression but Clarke knew there must be some shock in seeing her commander in this state, "The ice nation have withdrawn from the coalition as have the other northern clans"

Clarke froze. That happened a lot faster than they had anticipated, "I thought you said it would take longer until that decision was made?"

"I thought it would" Indra nodded grimly, "However a messenger arrived just before yours informing us of their separation and they won't be the last. Other clans will begin pulling out. Some will seek to form their own in fear of the ice nation or attempt to form an alliance in apprehension of a war they cannot afford to fight"

Clarke closed her eyes for a moment to take in the information, "You said they would pull away because the commander was gone but she's back now"

"The sooner we get to Polis the better" Anya said.

"My people will demand retribution" Lexa said looking Clarke in the eye, "The ice nation were going to break away, that was inevitable, however I need to be in Polis so I can talk to the other clans and show them that I am the better alternative. Clan leaders will be forced to choose between the coalition and the ice nation but without a leader they will be drawn to the ice nation so I have to be there to provide a convincing alternative"

Clarke looked to Luna, "Will you be there?"

"The commander will need a vote of confidence against those with any doubt" She said with a nod.

Luna shared a look with Lexa and the two leaders seemed to have a silent conversation. Clarke had her own concerns about the journey to Polis however she didn't seem to be the only one because suddenly Anya was turning towards her with a concerned look.

"Is the commander well enough to make the journey?"

Clarke opened her mouth to respond but Lexa cut her off, "I am well enough" However Anya ignored her and continued to stare at Clarke and she realised that the grounder was probably one of the few that could get away with this kind of treatment. If Lexa was irritated by this it didn't show.

"Possibly" She said careful with a quick glance at Lexa, "If she rides and allows several rest points where I can change her bandages. She's tired not incompetent"

Lexa seemed mollified by the response and Clarke was at least thankful that she was willing to work with her on this. Anya nodded seemingly satisfied by the response then looked back down to the commander who was watching with slightly narrowed and careful eyes.

"We can do that" Luna said, "Riding will be faster for us to travel"

Lexa looked between them all, "We shall leave before first light tomorrow" Then focussed on Indra, "Send a rider to camp Jaha for Abby, Bellamy and Raven to meet us in Polis" She watched the general leave and Clarke shot her a thankful look.

Everyone parted shortly after that deciding to leave Lexa to get some rest but the girl called her back so Clarke waited until everyone else had left before turning to Lexa. The tent was silent for a moment as Lexa seemed to think of what to say. Clarke watched her struggle for a moment before letting out her own sigh and walking over to perch herself carefully on the edge of Lexa's furs. Her commander mask was gone and her shoulders seemed to slump under the weight of it all.

"Clarke-" Her voice caught in her throat and she didn't miss the way her eyes began to water.

Clarke lifted her hand to tenderly cup Lexa's cheek and was relieved when she didn't flinch away from the touch. She wiped away the tears slowly escaping her eyes.

"You don't have to say anything" She whispered, "This is up to you Lexa, whenever you're ready and not before"

Lexa shook her head slowly, "I want to tell you Clarke"

"You remember?"

She couldn't be angry, not really, and she wasn't. Clarke had vowed to let Lexa take the lead and she had every right to her own privacy but she couldn't help but want to be there for her. Lexa closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before opening them again and locking her gaze with Clarke.

"I'm sorry I lied to you Clarke but I couldn't…" Lexa gave a pained expression.

Clarke nodded, "I know"

"No… You don't" Lexa sighed and pulled away from the blonde's touch, "I want you to know, I do, but I am just not… I want to move on from this, quickly, for my people"

"Maybe the best way to do that is facing it"

"I cannot afford to be weak now Clarke. What happens next must be what is best for my people and they need me now more than ever as their leader. Maybe one day I will tell you but I cannot afford to right now"

Clarke watched Lexa's firm gaze and allowed her shoulders to droop, "You don't have to be strong with me Lexa"

"I do" Her gaze hardened, "I am the commander Clarke, no matter what happens to me, and that can never change. I belong to my people above all else"

"I'm not your people" Clarke said desperately.

Lexa looked away from her, "You are my people Clarke" She mumbled, "And what happens next will be to protect you as well"

Clarke stared at her in disbelief, "Don't push me away Lexa… I thought we were past this 'Love is weakness'?"

"This is not the same" Lexa snapped, "This is about more than that Clarke"

"I'm not going to force you to tell me but at least let me be here for you Lexa. You don't have to shut everyone out… You don't have to shut me out"

She reached forward to grasp Lexa's hand in her own but the girl pulled away from her touch still refusing to meet her pleading gaze.

"Please leave Clarke" She sighed.

"Lexa I'm not-"

Lexa turned her head and glared at Clarke, "Leave." She snarled.

Clarke sat back, eyes wide, in shock for a moment before standing and turning her back to Lexa whilst attempting to calm her own anger at the brunette. She knew why Lexa was acting like this but it didn't make it hurt any less after everything they had done to get to this point and find her again.

She placed the water beside Lexa's bed and was unsurprised to see her still avoiding Clarke, "I want to be there for you Lexa and I will be whether you like it or not but you're the only one who can deal with what's going on inside your head. Running away isn't going to solve anything"

Lexa locked her jaw and avoided looking at the blonde as she spun on her heel and left the tent. Clarke didn't look back and made her way over to her own hut to try and clear her head before preparing for the journey tomorrow.

She was still shoving her spare clothes into a pack roughly when Octavia pulled back the flap and stopped instantly at the angry blonde in front of her. Clarke didn't look round at her entrance and continued to shove her things away.

"Clarke" Octavia said warily, "What's happened?"

"Nothing" She said stiffly.

Octavia scoffed and made her way over to the blonde, pulled her up and forced Clarke around. She gripped the blonde's arms tightly and forced the girl to look at her then waited until the blue eyes met hers before speaking.

"Clarke" Octavia pushed.

Clarke let out a long sigh and pulled out of Octavia's grasp so she could sit back down on the furs, "I thought it would be easier" She shrugged as Octavia joined her, "I don't know why but I did. I thought that once we had Lexa back the coalition would fall into place and we would finally have peace but it's just fallen apart"

"I think the coalition was going to fall apart either way"

"I'm too tired for another war O"

"We're all tired" Octavia said with a knowing look.

Clarke shook her head and accepted the hug Octavia pulled her into willingly. It felt good to have some form of comfort after everything that had happened and she felt herself sinking into the hold for a moment.

"I guess we just have to trust Lexa knows what she's doing" Octavia gave her a reassuring squeeze, "And I think you know more than you realise. You've been our leader from the start and no matter what way you look at it we do have Lexa back"

Clarke pulled away slowly and lifted her head to share a reassuring smile with Octavia, "You're right… This isn't going to be easy but at least we have each other again. I'm not so sure Lexa's as well as she's making out but it's going to take time"

"It is" Octavia nodded, "Nobody said it was going to be easy but we've gotten this far, found Lexa, besides there's no guarantee that there won't be a war? If we get to Polis in time this can all be handled politically"

Clarke just smiled and let Octavia try to reassure her. She wanted to believe she was right, she wanted to believe that this could be handled politically but there was a sinking feeling settling in her stomach. Deep down she knew they had gone beyond the point of no return and there would be no hope of reconciliation between the clans now. There was no way the Trikru would accept Lexa's kidnapping without retaliation and there was no doubt in her mind that the other clans would call for blood. Lexa's hand would be forced beyond politics the moment they arrived in Polis.

She doubted that war was avoidable but for a moment, for this moment, Clarke let Octavia's hope sink in and fell asleep that night with her own flicker of hope.

 **I'm hoping to update tomorrow if not then Tuesday or Wednesday :)**


	7. It takes as long as it takes

**Hi Guys I know I've been MIA on this fic for a while BUT there's a reason (to quote one squid-loving actress.)**

 **However here's an update for you :)**

 **I really appreciate all the reviews that suddenly came in over the last few weeks so you've inspired me to write more for this. I was having a small bit of writer's block as to where I could take this but I've started to plan it out now and I think I know where I want to go.**

 **It's been a hectic few weeks what with my birthday (officially an adult *SHIT*) and going back to college :O So updates won't be as frequent as I like from now on because I really need to put college first (obviously) however during weeks off and study weeks I'll make sure to get a few updates out. I want to get an update out a week, at least, but like I said I can't promise that's going to stay. Still, just remember I will say if I've decided to drop a fic. So unless I've said otherwise I will always update at some point. As an avid FanFic reader myself i know there's nothing worse than an unfinished and abandoned story.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Clarke awoke with a start. She blinked away the tiredness of sleep and attempted to stare through the blackness of the hut. It was clearly still well into the night and it didn't look as though the sun had even begun to rise. The blonde frowned in confusion and sat up slightly in bed where she scanned the room for the source for what had awoken her.

Her momentary confusion wiped away by the empty bed and the door left slightly ajar.

She light out a sigh and ran a hand through her tangled hair as she pushed back the furs from her body. Clarke stood, shivering slightly at the cold ground, and stretched with a yawn.

Lexa's recovery period was taking longer than any of them had anticipated and after another three days Anya was starting to get a little restless. Indra had long since arrived with a group of Trikru warriors waiting to escort them back to Polis. They were just waiting for Lexa. Or, more specifically, Clarke to say that Lexa was well enough to travel.

The brunette was anxious to leave the boat people and get back to her own but Clarke just wasn't confident enough that Lexa was well enough to make the journey. Physically she wasn't strong enough and mentally… Clarke hated to think on that too much. The truth was that Luna just didn't have enough resources to support her own people let alone their group as well. Lexa wasn't getting the full nutrients Clarke would like and because of that her recovery was suffering.

Clarke didn't like sitting in one place as much as the rest of them however she had to put Lexa first. Maybe she was being selfish, she knew Lexa had a duty to her people, but Clarke had almost lost her once and she wasn't about to let that happen again.

She pushed open the door of the hut and her eyes landed on the figure standing at the end of the dock illuminated by the moonlight. Her heart sunk. Another reason why Lexa's recovery was taking so long. Lexa seemed to sleep for less than an hour before she was torn from sleep by whatever was plaguing her thoughts.

Before Clarke could make her way over to the brunette her attention was drawn to the sound of footsteps and she turned to see Octavia making her way towards her.

"What are you doing up?" She asked with a soft frown.

Octavia inclined her head over her shoulder back to her hut where a soft glow from a candle could be seen between the gaps in the door, "Indra is busy discussing plans with Anya and Lincoln. It's impossible to sleep with them all in there. Anyway, I could ask you the same thing."

Clarke rolled her eyes at the girl's knowing look, "She wakes me up. I don't think she means to but she does."

"I know…" Octavia smiled sympathetically at Clarke's confusion, "When Lincoln was changed back he used to have nightmares most nights… I would wake-up with him and refuse to sleep until he fell asleep first. It was exhausting but it doesn't last forever."

"I think Lexa's more stubborn than Lincoln," Clarke sighed.

Octavia nodded, "True but… She needs you and I think she wants to talk to you but doesn't exactly know how. I know you're holding back for her benefit but maybe that isn't what she needs. Maybe what Lexa needs is for you to push her a bit. She clearly won't do it herself and," she glanced over her shoulder at the hut she had just left, "Everyone's getting really anxious waiting."

"She can't make that journey," Clarke said with a shake of her head, "She's not strong enough."

Octavia just shrugged, "We might not have a choice soon. The Ice Nation aren't going to wait for Lexa to get better."

"I swear to god if Anya puts ideas into her head…"

"She won't," Octavia said with a slight laugh, "But I can't make any promises about Indra… Talking of Anya I saw her pacing the boardwalks like a caged animal the other night."

Clarke nodded. She knew Anya wanted to leave, "I know she's anxious to get to Polis but I have to think of Lexa here."

The other girl snorted, "I don't think Polis has got anything to do with it…"

The blonde shot her friend a look and octavia grinned, "Don't tell me you missed it?!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about right now Octavia," She shook her head.

Octavia gaped at her, eyes wide and spluttering, "Anya and Raven!"

At Clarke's bemused and shocked expression she just shook her head. Octavia scoffed and turned to leave, "You might need to have a catch-up with Raven when we get back!"

Clarke watched her leave with a slightly parted mouth in shock. Had she really been so focussed on finding Lexa again that she had missed an important part of her friend's life?

She thought over the weeks she had spent searching for Lexa. Raven had been there for her in a way that Bellamy and Octavia couldn't be. She and Raven had always managed to understand each other yet love and hate each other at the same time. Raven, despite Octavia's own experience from Lincoln, had been the one Clarke found herself reaching out to most. Had she really been so ignorant of her friend's life in return?

Her eyes landed on Lexa, who was now sitting on the edge of the dock, and let out a soft sigh. She began making her way over but made sure to keep her footsteps loud and obvious careful not to startle her. Judging by the way Lexa didn't react when Clarke sat down next to her it had worked.

"You can't keep avoiding sleep," She said softly.

Lexa's eyes were fixed on her feet as they kicked slowly and created ripples in the water, "I cannot be weak."

"Avoiding the problem is being weak," Clarke snapped instinctively then felt the pit of guilt as Lexa flinched at her anger. Her shoulders sagged as her voice softened, "I'm sorry… How does sleep make you weak?"

She watched as the brunette's muscle tensed and her eyes flashed with the fear she had been trying for so long to hide. But Clarke saw it and instantly reached out to grasp Lexa's hand in reassurance.

Lexa shuddered slightly at the contact but didn't pull back and Clarke felt her heart swell. That in itself was a huge improvement.

"I know you want me to talk about it," Lexa cocked her head to the side and the blonde was met with watery green eyes, "But I can't do that." Her voice cracked slightly.

Clarke watched as a single tear escaped. She wanted to lean forward and wipe it away but her hand had barely moved before Lexa was flinching. Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't surprised by how Lexa was dealign with this. The brunette convinced herself love was weakness to avoid ever being hurt again after Costia's death. Lexa could lead her army into war over a thousand lifetimes but Clarke could see the fear and terror when it came to her own emotions.

"Lexa…" She paused choosing her words carefully, "I don't what you went through in there and, quite frankly, I'm not sure i want to but, whether you want to admit it or not, you need help."

Testing the waters she brought her hand up to cup the brunette's cheek and was relieved when she let her, "I love you," She whispered as her thumb ever-so slowly moved to gently wipe away the tear trailing down her cheek, "And I'm not going anywhere."

To her surprise Lexa nodded and leant forward so she was leaning against Clarke's head. The next moment her body was shuddering with tears and Clarke instinctively went up to wrap her arms around her body. She pressed her lips gently against her hair.

"I love you," She repeated and was answered by another shudder of tears, "I love you. I'm here."

XoXoXoX

"What part of 'no' don't you get Indra?" Clarke growled across the table at her.

The general glared back at her.

They had been at this all morning. After last night Clarke had been feeling slightly more confident for the next few days. She and Lexa had stayed on the dock for about an hour before Clarke had coaxed her back into the hut where, instead of returning to her own bed, she had curled into the blonde's side.

Her expectation had been that Lexa would push her away come morning but instead the brunette hadn't moved from her side all day. Clarke was willing to give her whatever she needed to make it easier on her.

"This is not getting us anywhere," Anya snarled shooting Indra and Clarke equally dirty looks, "We need to have a united front and a united agreement."

"I agree we need to leave," Clarke shot in, "My concern is that it's too soon."

Lexa was scowling slightly as she watched them all discuss their plans. She had yet to make a contribution and Clarke was trying to ignore how out of character that was. She was just beginning to regain contact with the brunette; one thing at a time.

Indra snorted, "I care for the Heda. Do not suggest that i don't."

"I wasn't-"

"I know exactly what you were implying," Indra bared her teeth as her voice lowered dangerously.

Clarke continued to stare back defiantly, refusing to be intimidated as they glowered back and forth at one another.

Anya shook her head, "We need to get back to Polis soon," At Clarke's affronted look she added, "But i am conscious of Heda's… condition," She eyed Lexa nervously.

Lexa growled under her breath, "My people cannot afford to wait until I am at my full strength… We do not have time for that."

Clarke shot her a look and Lexa met it with a firmness she hadn't yet shown, "My people need me Clarke."

"I know that," Clarke sighed. She leant back slightly in her chair, "If we were to go now it would have to be at a steady pace, we would probably stop more times than you like and i'm going to insist that Octavia and Lincoln are sent to camp Jaha so my mother can be at Polis ready to continue treating Lexa."

"We have healers in Polis," Indra snapped.

Clarke glared at her, "Do they know how to treat her? Do they know the equivalent of the Mountain Men's treatment?" Indra didn't back down but her eyes wavered and she jumped on it, "Exactly. Those are my terms. You have your peoples best interests are heart so clearly someone needs to have Lexa's."

Indra shot up from her chair with a snarl, "You dare suggest-!"

"Yes," Clarke growled stiffly rising from her own chair, " And you can't argue against it either Indra."

"Enough," Lexa said tiredly as she too stood and settled her hand shakily on Clarke's arm, "That can be arranged. Octavia and Lincoln won't protest and Indra brought enough warriors to accompany us back to make up for their absence."

"And we have Echo as well," Anya cut in with a nod from Lexa.

The door to the hut opened suddenly catching all their attention. Luna stood before them looking apologetic but her brow furrowed with worry.

"Sha Luna?" Lexa asked.

"Apologies Heda," She said stiffly, "But a group of my men just returned from the border… The Ice Nation are coming."

 **It is smaller than originally planned but i love a good cliffhanger and i just felt so bad about not updating in ages. Please let me know what you think!**


	8. Sorry

I don't know if any of you follow me on Tumblr. If you have you may or may not have seen my post about arguements amongst the fandom. Whether you agree with me or not is irrelevant I think.

All I was trying to do was bring a little peace? It was completely innocent intent and I meant no harm by it. I don't consider myself to be a hateful or confrontational person but I can honestly say that the few messages I have received have hurt me. Not because they were (at least the way I read them) sharp and slightly hateful but because I was trying to do something completely innocent and I've been shot down by people in my own fandoms and ships.

Honeslty? I've lost my heart in the 100 fandom.

People using their mental illnesses and problems as a reason to hate on FICTIONAL characters, actors and writers disgusts me.

Want to know why I've been absent? Fine. I've been dealing with depression and crippling anxiety for five years and I've almost killed myself three times. Forgive me for wanting a bit of peace in one of the only things that gives me release from my shitty life. Does this make me a bad person? Apparently it does and apparently I'm close minded. I thought I was being broad minded by including both sides of every arguement in my post but all I've seen to have done is made myself feel like shit.

So congratulations to whoever it was that sent those messages. You got what you wanted and I feel like crap, do you feel better? Did it help with your mental illness? With your past abusive exes? Been there myself and still not over it so I really hope it did help you. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy and as we enter a new year I hope my sadness has at least brought some positivity into your lives. If tearing people down makes you feel better then all for your but I won't be a part of it.

I apologise to anyone that thought this was an update. I don't know when I'll be back to writing so for that I apologise. I've tried to be polite and fair in everything I've done but if having an opinion and being someone that wants peace is getting me this response then I want nothing to do with it because it's not worth it.

a TV show is not worth this level of stress. I won't stop watching but I will be removing myself from any fandoms that turn on people like that. Maybe I deserve it? I don't know. All I know is I've been through shit, watched people I love go through shit and seen so much shit on the news. I guess I thought we were better than that.


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry guys not an update I just wanted to respond to reviews and messages I've been receiving. So first I want you to always know that unless I've specifically said I'm stopping a fic I never will and I always plan to update.

The thing at the moment is I am struggling to balance everything together, I'm taking my A2 exams this year for my final A levels (for any fellow British: Help. Me.) so that's stressful but also each time I go to write in just not inspired? I don't want to update something that's a load of shit and isn't worth reading because I've forced myself? I always want it to be something you deserve.

Basically I leave college this year and once I do I quite literally have no idea what I'm doing. My friends are all off to Uni except for about one or two and even they have plans so I guess I'm a little lost at the moment. I hope that once all the stress of the exams are out of the way I'll get back to updating. A few of you know I have a plan to finish all my fics and concentrate on one big one that I plan to get a Beta for so that's exciting. But it's getting back into I guess.

sorry if I got you all excited for this? But I just wanted to respond to all the messages and let you know I haven't given up and to please be patient with me? Lexa's death has certainly had more of an impact than we all thought it did and I wanted to say I am so proud with all we have achieved? I struggle with our media representation and if this is going to finally inspire a change then I am happy to have been a part of it :) thank you all for everything and hopefully next time I see you will be for an update XD

i want to say 'may we meet again' to be dramatic but it sounds more like a goodbye so I'm going to say 'may we meet soon' :)


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